Why I love watching movies

When Chris and I were in our first years of marriage,
I was ready to be a mother and have a baby.
I was about 24 (it seems so young now), and had graduated from college.
I was working for an architecture firm, as a secretary answering phones and sending faxes.
My full time job was a little dull to say the least and not what I had majored in college to do.
Being a mother seemed more in my destiny than answering phones.

We were in a young, married ward with couples our age starting their families.
I remember one Sunday in Relief Society, everyone was either pregnant, holding a baby,
or had a toddler in nursery.

But, month after month, there was no baby on the way for Chris and I.

Then finally, after almost a year, which to some may seem short, but to me it felt like an eternity, we were finally pregnant. It was so exciting.
In the first few weeks of the pregnancy we were back with my family in OR for a couple months,
while Chris did some extra training for dental school.
We surprised my family with the news in person, the first grandchild was on the way!

But, then I began to spot, and as the days wore on the bleeding became much worse.
On one particular morning, my family had left out of town to take one of my sisters to college,
and Chris had gone to work.
Sensing that I needed to do something I drove myself to the ER,
feeling the worst was happening.

After, some awkward moments in the ultrasound room, there was no heartbeat.
A dr. came in to tell me, "This is not your fault." then he promptly left,
and in walked a peppy, unexperienced nurse, explaining to me that,
"This is so exciting that I'm having a baby.",
She had not been in the room to hear what the dr. had said a few minutes earlier.

Then I was wheeled into another room, where I was bleeding a lot on a bed.
More dr.'s came in to say that my due date or cycle dates could be off;
which would explain why they couldn't detect a heartbeat.
They also told me that the bleeding could stop and all would be fine,
OR within the next couple of hours you could lose the baby, and not to worry because it shouldn't take too long, just a couple of hours, to miscarry.

I left the hospital alone, in complete confusion about what was going on.
But I knew my dates were not wrong, and I knew deep down that I was most likely miscarrying.
Chris met me for lunch where we could eat and look at a pretty pond.
We didn't say much.  He knew I wasn't feeling good not only emotionally but physically too.
We went to the local video store and I rented the movie Notting Hill.

We went back to my parent's house and started watching the movie.
The miscarriage began.
There was much more bleeding, a lot of pain, and tears.
But, I was laughing too, the movie was so great!
In fact, it was the absolute perfect medicine.
There is a scene in the movie for a couple that can't have their own children,
and they are happy, anyway.
It's a movie about an amazing dream that seemed so far fetched and impossible,
life's ups and downs, great friends & family.
It helped me through a really bad few hours.
For that I will always love Notting Hill and movies in general.

Movies are the best thing for me when I'm feeling bad, need an escape, or when I'm sick.
I love movies, when I'm feeling good too. I enjoy them all the time.

Part II for the record:
It took forever to miscarry, a couple of months. The dr's should have given me a D&C.
Then it took what seemed like a long time to become pregnant again.
Just the day before our 3 yr. wedding anniversary we had our first baby, little Lindy. I was 26.
Looking back, although it was painful and very difficult, I learned many things.

I learned a little of the great sadness and struggle that many women have in their longing for children & pregnancy. It is an amazing journey for so many filled with broken dreams, frustrations, and years of longing and trying to find peace. I've also had the miracle of having 4 children, and many days that has a whole other set of challenges I never planned on.

In the end, we are all mothers, regardless of our circumstances in this life today, or in the future.
Children need good women, everywhere, everyday.

And mothers need good movies!


MollyE said...

Notting Hill might be my favorite movie of all time. DId you know that? I didn't know that you were connected to it in this way.

Rebecca said...

I really like this movie too, we will have to watch it for our Wiz weekend in Missour, Portland or Boise

Amanda said...

Thank you for sharing all of this. I got married one month before my 28th birthday, so I relate on the waiting thing. Luckily Kathryn was born 11 months later. That would have been a hard wait. Maybe I should watch this movie again. I watched it once right after my mission and couldn't really handle movies!