On loss, New Babies, and Pregnancy

A crazy thing happened to my sisters and I early this spring.

We were all pregnant at the same time.

Sadly, I miscarried, though.

Each of our individual stories of being pregnant at the same time were unique,

and even miraculous. My sisters and I didn't plan this.

It was just an amazing thing that happened.

Some were planned for years, others were unexpected.

For a couple weeks or so, my sisters and I were all pregnant together,

and that was something to celebrate!

I have reflected often on this quote recently,

"Don't cry because it's over,

Smile because it happened!"

I am more grateful for the children I do have, and stand more in awe of the miracle of 

pregnancy and childbirth. It has it's challenges and emotional setbacks.

My sisters, Stacey and Karen, each of had their babies, now.

Each so cute and special. When you hear some of the details of their labor

and deliveries, you are reminded again and again, of how miraculous it all is,

bringing these babies here to earth.

There is a plan to all of this, and the Lord is involved in the details.

Molly is coming up next in about a month.

She'll do great, and it will be exciting to hear her

labor story as well. She is expecting her 5th boy!

For me I am fine.

Time is a wonderful healer, and I have an active, busy, family life now.

Being an Aunt to newborns is always exciting, and a little less tiring.

For me, as I age and leave the child-bearing years behind me, it has been difficult to know when I should be done having children. For some women the decision came easy,

for me it has been difficult, lacking in needed clarity. 

But, I know the Lord is involved in the details of my life,

and when I look back on my life I will probably see that it had been clear. 

I have found that to be true countless times, as I reflect on my past,

knowing that I was unsure of my next step or next decision,

but the Lord had me on the right path the whole time.

Randomness

• So, last week when I shared with you what was on my mind. One of those things was of course, dinner. My mom kindly pointed out that it was Cinco De Mayo. Duh? The one time of the year when we know what to make for dinner: tacos or take the family to a mexican place.

• Monday was a long day for me.  You mostly carry on day by day with your kids, we kind of get in routines and get through the days together.  Then out of the middle of nowhere a suuppper slllllooooowww day.  That was Monday. I got to about 2 o clock and we, the kids and I, were all bored with eachother. The fighting and pestering one another started, they were hungry, and Tate has a cold. He was hacking and just snotty sounding. I checked the clock still only 2:15. How would I make until the kids' bedtime?

• For whatever reason I feel like sharing this, it's an Ensign article I got when I took the Marriage and Family class at BYU. It's about determining how large of a family to have, and how to consider the number of children and pregnancies to have from an LDS ob/gyn. Click here for article. It's good with some great insight.

• When I got married at 23, I had finished college and was working as a receptionist. The job wasn't that thrilling, I was doing the fax machine and phones for the office. All in all, I was excited and ready to take on the challenge of motherhood. We were living in a younger ward with lots of couples starting their families too.  One time in Relief Society I looked around and every woman, was either pregnant or had a baby on her lap. But, it took longer than I thought to hold my own first baby in my arms. About 3 years and a miscarriage. It was a hard time for me. The unknowns of will I ever be able to have my own baby. How many miscarriages will I have to endure? I thought it was terrible, just a terrible experience getting through the miscarriage. Not only emotional, but physically difficult too. Looking back now; I wish I hadn't been so worried and stressed about it.  3 years with just Chris and I sounds like heaven now.  I wish I would have enjoyed that time more, traveled more. It's hard though, when you worry about money in those early years of marriage.  I wish I had put together more F.H.E. ideas, fun projects for kids, toddlers.  Organized my kitchen, learned about what, how to cook. Prepared for my future home and family more. Just had fun. Oh well, that time is gone now, and when you're in the moment you do the best you can, because we don't always know what our future will bring.

• Not sure why this is so random, it doesn't relate to one another, it just sort of spilled out of me and I felt like sharing.