If you buy a pair of skinny jeans,

then, you'll have to get longer shirts to wear with them.

You'll probably need the right shoes to go with your new skinny jeans.

So you can look 'in-style' which was the whole purpose in getting those skinny jeans.

This leads to the realization that your whole closet

is totally out-of-date and style.

Your old jeans from at least 2 or 3 babies ago, as it turns out, are bulky.

You don't own any shirts or shoes that go with your new skinny jeans.

Then you'll have to spend lots of time in different stores.
Just one store will not have your size or the color you need.

You will have to go to several stores.

Lots of shopping, and buying, and lots of returning
will also be required.
 As well as consulting with your sisters,

and sometimes your husband.

This will cost you money.

You will have to go over your budget,

and brush up on your math skills.

Then, you'll get a bad headache.

And you'll have to find your headache pills.

All of this, will have taken up a lot of time.

Your children will have missed you.

They will ask you to read to them.

You will feel guilty.

So you sit down to read them this story:

Which of course leads you to thinking about cookies.

And then baking cookies.

The cookies are soooo yummy, that you eat too many of them.

Then you'll look at your skinny jeans.

And chances are, they won't fit you anymore,

and you'll have to go back to wearing your bulky jeans.

How-To Fake "Having it all Together"

Wear a chunky, colorful, beady necklace that matches your outfit.

Big earrings or a fun, chunky bracelet work well too.

(But not all at the same time, 1 Big chunky piece of jewelry does the trick!)

• This fake "Having it all Together" look works best in casual settings. When normally tired, run down mothers look and feel sloppy. Below I describe situations with young children, but I believe this philosophy works for all women no matter your season of life.

• The next time you're at the grocery store with 4 kids because it's summer. Wear a big, chunky necklace. When the kids are running up and down aisles, crying about candy, disrupting the other shoppers. The shoppers will quickly notice your necklace and know you have it all together.

• When you're at the neighborhood park, and your children are whining loudly because they are bored quickly, hot, hungry, forgot their shoes and the bark chips hurt their feet, or the baby is eating the bark chips. The other mothers at the park will see the necklace, and think to themselves,"Wow, there is a mother that has it all together."

• Of course, you can use this trick in more formal settings, like church. When your kids are irreverent all around you, or causing other disasters around the pew or in their primary class, or for you personally with your church calling. The jewelry will give you the appearance of "Having it all Together". It also serves as a great toy for boys and girls of all ages to keep them quiet. (Watch out they don't pull too hard on beads, keep a Ziploc bag in church bag just in case.)

• Other situations this works well for:

1. Pregnancy
2. Bad Hair Days
3. Bad outfit Days
4. Any public situation when children are with you, especially if you have to do any type of business transaction.
5. Visiting your husband at work
6. The library visit
7. Girls Night Out
8. Date Night

**Special Note, you can get cheap, chunky jewelry at any store like Walmart, Target, etc.**

Go to the clearance section. No need to spend a lot of money.

It will look like you did, though.